Deux mois

It's been two months (and eight days) that we've been here and I thought I'd summarize some things I've learned about France.

1. French people do not move out of your way as you walk toward them - in fact, most stop in the middle of the narrowest passageway in order to talk about urgent world crises just as you're in a hurry to get to class. If they also happen to be students, they will ignore you so well that you won't be able to get their attention and to get by them until you're hoarse from screaming 'Pardon' and 'excusez-moi.'

2. French kids are adorable and most are very well dressed.

3. French dogs are adorable and most are little and very obedient. Yesterday in the park we saw one in a bike basket riding with its owner, and another in a little wagon attached to the back of the bike, being the cutest little passenger. Très cute, as the Quebecois say.

4. The baking of baguettes is best left to the boulangeries, those from grocery stores like Monoprix or Carrefour suck ass.

5. Diet drinks get really exotic here - my favorites are apple litchi and lime melon, they're fizzy, tasty, and sugar-free. Three cheers for aspartame!

6. 14-15 year olds are retarded and are a complete waste of time no matter what country you're in.

7. Failing to say bonjour / bonsoir as you walk into a store is a criminal offense and you might as well be ready for the firing squad if you do not do so.

8. You cannot pay attention to people's intonation as they talk to you, especially if they're French speaking English. The intonation has thrown me off dozens of times and I've assumed so many nice people were just being assholes because they sounded weird or sarcastic as they spoke. Being direct with someone is absolutely impossible if they're French, so you might as well just give up and get tangled up in a confusing web of implications and pragmatics involved in a conversation.

9. Free softcore porn on at 11 pm every night does get boring after a while, even if it's surrealist French porn.

10. Although being the smallest cog in the machine of a giant high school sucks - you get villanized by the computer lab people for printing pages out and then get hateful looks from the copy room people for copying them - having a position where you are free to teach whatever, without the possibility of being fired, is kinda nice. The majority of your students are just relieved you're not walking into the class with the intention to cane or humiliate them. The rest are a pain in the ass (see pt. 6).